Online Workshop

Intimacy & Shame

”We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others

Brené Brown

Do you sometimes think others are more beautiful?

Do you feel that others seem to be better in their work or more reliable in their relationships?

Do you have the tendency to compare yourself with others?

Are you aware of your internal judgement towards yourself or others?

Probably it has something to do with toxic shame and the lack of intimacy… If you answered one of these questions with “yes”, this workshop could be something for you.

There is a deep and formative first experience that we all may go through at the beginning of our lives. We call this the gateway of shame. In its healthy form, it is the foundation of our development as social beings. With the sensation of healthy shame, we become able to set boundaries to protect our intimacy. Our intimate space is a space of deep relationship with ourselves – free from toxic shame. In the longing for connection and felt proximity, we begin the journey to the innermost “me”. From this protective space of deepest interiority with ourselves we expand into the “you” and the “we”. In the safe contact with oneself, the resulting dance between closeness and distance is a natural movement that does not unduly stress the autonomic nervous system.

Toxic shame is a different matter. Through different imprints in our first years of life, something can develop which looks like an over-aroused Nervous System. Tension, hyper alertness, collapse, withdrawal and an inability to express yourself are typical signs. When our caregivers left us alone in a blame response or in overwhelming emotional states, toxic shame can grow like an alien in our personalities.

Toxic shame can lead to hide the “good” and healthy shame response. Therein lies a deep psychophysical dynamic that strongly influences the autonomic nervous system. The free and innocent unfolding of the dance between “me” and “you” is interrupted. When the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) is triggered, it can lead to overwhelm and shut down to make real connection impossible.

These workshop days are about the liberation of toxic shame and deeper insights into the importance of intimacy and healthy shame.
It takes gentleness, sensitivity and interactional relationship regulation to release toxic shame. You will learn about the speechlessness of shame and the gift in the “game of hiding”, as well as the paradox in the structure of our attachment styles.

For who?

  • You are interested in personal growth and want to learn the basics of attachment theory (and the four attachment styles) so that you can better understand how early childhood experiences or traumas affect your relationships.
  • You’ve noticed a pattern of unhealthy and emotionally challenging behavior – in yourself or in different partners or situations – and you feel you could benefit from examining the way you attach to people in your relationships.
  • You’re curious about how to better navigate and communicate in any relationship, not just your intimate ones – including parent-child, work or friendships.
  • You’re alone since a long time and you would like to enter into a new relationship?
  • You are someone who struggles with communication and intimacy in your current relationship – and you want to know what you can do to feel safe and attached to those you love.
  • You are a therapist and you would like to have additional methods and interventions that build relational resilience and help people overcome trauma.

Content

  • Identify the major characteristics of shame
  • The differences between intimacy, healthy shame and toxic shame.
  • How to get out of the shame morass so you can move your energy powerfully outward rather than turn it against yourself.
  • How to be more intimate with yourself and others
  • Describe and employ strategies to restore the pendulation and life force.
    Work with roles, parts and shame-based introjects.
  • Access strength, resilience, inner resources and role repertoire to regulate our nervous system.

Are you eager to learn how you or your clients can overcome toxic shame and be more aware of healthy shame?

Dates and registration